so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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