My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
