Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
