piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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