the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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