we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
