Me too!
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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