i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
