Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Randomize
