So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
