She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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