It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
