what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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