Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
