Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
