I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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