The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
