States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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