Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
