The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
