Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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