i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
