His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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