im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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