RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
