I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
