I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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