Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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