dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
