Jerry, you need to find god
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I am available for nakedness
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