You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
