drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
