we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
