walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
