the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
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I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
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That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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