I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
