you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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