Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
