I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
