wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
