Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
