I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
