AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
