You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
