Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
