Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
