"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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