when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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