Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
