I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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