we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
