I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
