This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
