I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
