you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
