just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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