Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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