I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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