You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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