I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
