you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
