We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
