The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You took a bar mat shot.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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