my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
